If there’s one thing I’ve learned from operas, it’s…

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from opera it is that:

– if you get a daughter and you wanted a son, it’s not really that much of a problem. You can easily dress up the girl as a boy all of her life without anyone noticing.

– if you plan to kill yourself or, possibly, others, you shouldn’t hold the knife up too high above you before stabbing. Because someone is likely to come up behind you and grab your hand and prevent you from completing your motion.

– it’s the wisest thing not to kiss or talk to another person in the dark. It is bound to be someone other than you think.

– if I meet a man who claims to Albanian, he is without doubt my fiancé.

– you can get rid of rivals by stuffing them with coffee, chocolate, wine, and ham.

– blondes are friendly and brunettes are faithful.

– tuberculosis is not a turn-off for men.

– it’s a really bad idea to marry your fiancé’s dad.

– it’s a really bad idea to harass people at work. Worst case scenario, someone might kidnap and rape your teenaged daughter.

– The duke of Mantova? He’s Just Not That Into You. Sorry. And neither is Don Giovanni. And they’re not going to be, either.

– A square is not round.

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February 26, 2006. Lists, Opera.

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