The Magic Flute as a Tabloid Article – or Geez, What a Geeky Teen I Was

Going through some old stuff in the room in my parents’ house where I spent my girlhood, I found something that proves that my opera nerdiness is sadly not a new thing. What I found was this short assignment I’d done for my German class when I was 16. In the assignment we were to write a make-believe article about one of the works of the curriculum we’d had that particular semester. The Magic Flute was one of these works, and apparently, I chose to do a tabloid-style article about this operetta, as if I’d been a journalist reporting from the crowning of Tamino and Pamina.

Filled with in-jokes from the opera (the constant use of weird bynames for instance, and the inclusion of stage managemet comments about the style of the costumes), it’s not all bad, but, of course painfully geeky. I hope to God I never showed the article to anyone but my teacher back then… But I figured it might make a nice entry for the blog, so I’ve translated the article into English, and here it is:


Yesterday was a great day for our country! For the first time since we lost our King, a royal couple is ruling the kingdom!

It was a splendid sight yesterday as Prince Tamino, our new sovereign, was ordained by the hand of Sarastro (the Godly Wise Who Always Rewards and Punishes Among The Same Ranks). Sarastro stated at the press conference that Tamino has proved through difficult tests that he is worthy of the throne.

By his side was Pamina, the Meek, Virtuous Maiden. Sarastro claims that the Gods have chosen Pamina as a spouse for Tamino, the Fair Youth, and Pamina has in turn proven that she posesses both loyalty and courage.

As we all know, Pamina is the daughter of our last royal couple. Unfortunately, her mother, the Queen of the Night, recently proved to be traitorous towards Sarastro, and thus she was executed yesterday. Monostatos – The Evil Moor Who Demanded Love – and three of the queen’s handmaids followed her into the grave.

Three little boys who attended the celebration, declared cheerfully: “Soon will the superstition vanish! Soon the wise man will triumph!” Well, this reporter certainly hopes so, too!

Our fashion corresondent at the site reports that Tamino and Pamina wore matching gowns in priestly style.



August 25, 2006. Opera.

One Comment

  1. confidentialattachees replied:

    I know, I know….not good at all when you’re 17. A disaster actually. But still – you did what I only dreamed about. And that is so totally cool. I believe that the ones who dare do stuff like that when they are 17 grow up to be so much more interesting and wonderful than all the rest.
    Thanks for sharing!

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