You know what we’ve been saying about hammerhead people? About how they are people whose eyes are really far apart? And you know how you’ve read our posts on the subject and thought to yourself ‘Oh, those crazy attachées. They do have some bizarre ideas and they really ought to get out more.’ (don’t try to deny it. You know you’ve had that thought.) Well, it looks like Seth MacFarland is with us! He understands! So there! Ha!
Genius! Uma Thurman is totally a hammerhead person. And there should totally be such a thing as an eye wrangler.
In fact, maybe that is what Ruggerone is really crying out for in this picture?
In any case, this is further proof that Seth MacFarlane needs to marry me ASAP. Marry me, Seth.
Former politician Jens Rohde has entered the fold. We welcome him in The International Hammerhead Association. He has always been obvious, and now it’s official. Look how happy he is. As are we all.
/anna on behalf of TIHA.
Even in the 18th Century there were hammerheads. Here is the proof:
This is a self portrait by Danish artist Jens Juel (1745-1802): Self portrait by artificial light, c. 1764. A sight for sore eyes I would say – and especially for a hammerhead lover such as myself.
I happened to pass the painting when I was strolling around the rooms of the Danish National Gallery, Statens Museum for Kunst, last night. There was a grand opening since the museum has undergone a refurbishment over a couple of years, and now, finally, we are back in business. All rooms have been rearranged and the permanent collection is presented in quite new ways i.e. mixing old and new. Most of it works very well and I am just so content to have the museum back in one piece.
And the party was wonderful. Such good atmosphere – people were very happy and Marie and I had a lot of free champagne (I have been suffering from it today). There was music in many of the rooms and I met a lot of friends and some of my family came. Such fun.
And by the way…Jens Juel did turn much more handsome. Look at him ten years later:
Or maybe he just became a more experienced painter.
Imagine my delight when I found this rare clip on youtube, showing the verbal battle between two hammersharks both featured in our initial hammershark list – Joan Collins and Kathleen Beller. Both actresses are great examples of the “Soap Opera Hammershark” – individuals with hammershark tendencies are often to be found on soap operas, because their striking eyes give them expressionable faces, well suited for the high drama of the genre. One will take care to note, however, that while Joan Collins’ (Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan’s) hammersharkness is clearly used to emphasize that certain Jackie O-like elegance and sophistication, width between eyes of Kathleen Beller (Kirby Alicia Anders Colby) rather indicates something cute, infantile, vulnerable, and innocent, as seen on child-star hammersharks, such as Karle Warren. Arguably, this disparity of hammersharkness serves to intensify the scene between the two women.
For those unfamiliar with the soapy goldmine that is Dynasty, the dispute was caused by the fact that Alexis’s long-lost son Adam – with whom sophisticated hammershark Alexis quickly developed a borderline incestuous relationship after his return to her at age 27 – became fascinated by petite Kirby, cutesy hammershark and apparently daughter of the major domo at Adam’s long-lost father Blake’s mansion (even though it was totally unrealistic that the major domo, who was quite obviously a major domo homo and had a huge crush on Blake, would ever have been married to a woman and fathered a child). Failing to catch Kirby’s eyes (and who can blaim him?), a frustrated Adam raped Kirby, prompting the hammershark do run into the arms of Jeff Colby, Adam’s archnemesis, as well as Adam’s long-lost sister Fallon’s ex-husband, who immediately married her. However, as it turned out, Kirby was pregnant as a result of the rape, and when Jeff found out about this he was more than a little disgusted, and decided to divorce Kirby. A remorseful Adam then got the divorcee to accept his marriage proposal, but then Kirby fell ill and lost the child, well according to soap opera logic (which dictates that a child conceived by violence rather than love will not live), and that’s when Alexis came into the picture again, seeing no real reason why her long-lost-son, with whom she was just catching up in a borderline incestous manner, should marry her daughter’s ex-husband’s ex-wife now that she wasn’t carrying his rape-baby any longer. None of her business, one might venture. But as the clip will show, Alexis always has a few tricks up her sleeve to get things her way… So watch out, Kirby!
I hope you’ll enjoy it! I daresay hammershark Joan Collin’s venomous portrayal of Alexis is always enjoyable. Note for instance her snappy remark to her bodyguard: “Don’t you have an appointment at the Muscle Factory or somewhere equally intellectual?”
Also gotta love the dramatic music, and the awesome, over-the-top line: “You’re a liar! A liar!!” *sigh*, it is much too rare that one gets to use that line in everyday conversation.
When hammersharks collide, things tend to get ugly…
I just got back from work an hour ago and am exhausted, so I’ve crawled into my bed and am reading some fanfiction (I know, I know. But that’s what not having a TV will do to you.) I was just reading this really, really angst-y fic and was really getting into it, when this sentence met my eye, and I just couldn’t help but snickering: “…her beautiful voice crying out, resounding in his already hammering head..“.
‘Hammering head!’ Hee! Needless to say, the angsty atmosphere left me completely and was replaced by a mental image of a face with an increasing amount of width between its eyes. Damn those hammerheads and their omnipresence. They’re ruining my corny reading experience!
Dudes… I just had a life-altering revelation: Aliens are totally hammerheads!
Just look at that creature! Look at it! Its face is, like, nothing but width between eyes! This is amazing. I’ve never believed that creatures like this one were knocking around out there in space, and I’ve always wondered what people’s fascination with these stereotyped little grey men was all about, but realizing now that they’re hammerheads, I totally get it. I mean, a whole planet populated with hammersharks? What’s not to love about that idea?
Oh my God…. This is just- I don’t even know what to say. How has this man avoided the blessed society of hammersharks till now?? This almost goes beyond the realm of Hammersharkness! Seriously freaky stuff. Granted, his hammersharkness stems mostly from his obvious wall-eyedness, but still.
Move over, members of the Hammershark Society, and make room for Marty Feldman!
With special thanks to my friend Erik for bringing my attention to the phenomenon that is Feldman.
I’m hesitant about posting the picture of this particular hammershark. Not because I don’t believe she is a hammershark, but because she’s a hammershark in the exact same way Jacqueline Onassis was, so really Jeanne Tripplehorn adds nothing new to the Hammershark Society. (Why Jeanne Tripplehorn has never played the part of Jackie O is beyond me. Lord knows there have been enough opportunities.)
But here she is, nevertheless: Jeanne Tripplehorn, actress and hammershark. I recently saw Basic Instinct for the first time ever, and was fascinated with the distance between Ms. Tripplehorn’s eyes.
By the way, does anyone out there agree with me that the ending to Basic Instinct meant that Beth was, in fact, not the murderer? If so, please leave a comment. I feel very alone with this opinion.
This woman is called Diana Benneweis. She is a former circus princess and a present circus queen in her own circus…Cirkus Benneweis. Some weeks ago she announced in her autobiography that she had killed her dad giving him an overdose of morphine during his last hours of painful and deadly disease. Her announcement gave life in Denmark to a fervent discussion about euthanasia or mercy killing.
Now Mrs Benneweis has never really been my cup of tea. And I don’t think you should kill your dad.
So why bring a photo of her here? Because I realised that she is…yes: A HAMMERHEAD!
Oh, I hear you, Anna! With the praise-thing! In fact, I ought to post a little something in here about my own 13-year-old, immature tendencies towards praise-cravings… I will get down to that soon.
In the meantime, please give a warm welcome to a newly found hammershark: Terry O’Quinn!
The island wants you to join the Hammershark Society, Terry…
PS: I am insanely jealous that Anna got to see Siegfried again last night. Damn my wretched poverty!